Surviving in the Office

Msn conversation between two stupid trainees from two different offices...

December 22nd, 18:15 pm

Nacho said: I have an idea about how to kill a Barbie Ken...Seat Ken in a comfortable chair and put some hot water on his plastic-rubber body till becomes liquid and sticky and then take all his dresses and burn them with a Brad Pitt picture…

Jean Burke said: An alternative to this method is replace the ever precious hair gel with a pungent acid that will erase all feature & eventually result in a slow burning lump of plastic…

Nacho: But Jean if we burn his hair with acid we will have a disaster in Asia, remember plastic hair plus acid will kill all 3-tiers…

Jean Burke: But Nacho, they breathe so much crap in the air already, so don’t worry!!!

Nacho: Jean... now we have to kill stupid Momo…Any Idea?

Jean: Momos are small, fat and slimy and can easily be destroyed with fast mashing movements...the texture can be made softer by adding milk...to quicken the mashing process.

Nacho: Ohhhh Jean, we must kill this guy with a painful treatment. Look, put his fat short and cabbage smelly body in hot oil and fried until all his inside come out

Jean: At the end we can finish this, feeding the dogs in our neighborhood… or the birds- vultures... i hate vultures & 3-tiers are like vultures...

Nacho: In case nobody eat this mashed-fried-smelly Momo we just can put our feet on it and dance Punjabi till spread it on the ground…

Jean: About Punjabi dance, we have to have this crazy smile on our face all the time...like we just killed someone…. Nacho I think we are done

Nacho: So, who is the next victim?

Jean: We must kill Aceituna Boy…We must slit his throat also because is good for taking out the pip from the Olive…

Nacho: And then I think we must burn the pip otherwise this kind of creature will reproduce himself again…

Jean: like an alien self-reproduction - must be why there are so many aceitunas around already...

Nacho: Jean that sounds scary and means that we have a lot of work to do killing assholes

Jean: Nacho, ok before we continue i have an idea for Christmas eve, what time do u finish work?

Nacho: at 3 pm. I’m my own boss…

Jean: Maybe if u want, i could meet u in 17 & we could do something nice & relaxed & slow...have a drink in a normal bar or something.

Nacho: There are no normal bars in this country…Now let finish our task...

Jean: ok, so who’s next Sigourney?

Nacho: Yes but is dead, because we already kill Barbie ken

Jean: hahahahahah, Well if Sig doesn't die of a broken heart from not being able to play with Barbie we can blast him/her back into space to feed the alien, nobody will notice cos with no Barbie around there is no personality left....

Nacho: What about Samara, she seem very scary specially because she doesn’t sleep and wants to procreate babies with Barbie Ken no matter what…Imagine small Barbies with Samarian faces walking around…

Jean: Barbie and Samara babies, hahahahahah…. Wait, she died when she was pushed off a camel at the camel fair but she couldn't come back to haunt people cos nobody watched her video cos nobody cared...

Nacho: This one is going to be hard to be assassinated…specially because he smells and I don’t want to be close…I’m talking about Onion-Man

Jean: There is no way to kill an onion smell or taste, the best thing to do is pull it apart little by little, that way its not so strong and kills the taste & smell, frying it in a hot fire for ages on low heat also weakens the odor and taste...

Nacho: Let’s kill the Tree-Guy

Jean: We will use the tree for Christmas, but we can pull out his intestines and wrap them round his scrawny body…

Nacho: Agggggghhhhh

Jean: Well they look like tinsel for Christmas…

Nacho: We must kill Sexonia now

Jean: We can kill her, i know how

Nacho: How???

Jean: Her nose kept getting bigger cos she kept lying about her sexual partners, then it took over her face and suffocated her till she couldn't breathe any more, like Pinocchio… she killed herself really!!!

Nacho: People around here looking at me because I’m laughing…they think I got nuts

Jean: You are…

Nacho: Hey little shit, if I’m you also are…